“When we talk to people who bake with mixes, they consider themselves every bit the scratch baker as someone who doesn’t use a mix,” Mr. Schiller said. “We have hundreds and hundreds of professional bakers and professional bakeries that use Duncan Hines.”

This casts the $2.50 bakery cupcake in a new light, I reckon.

I love to bake, and the funny thing about a cake mix is how little time it really does save — maybe five to ten minutes of measuring and stirring. Maybe. This weekend I found a wealth of spring-themed Funfetti cake mix and frosting on sale at my favorite Jewel, so I bought enough to bring cupcakes for my about fifty coworkers. By far the most laborious part is scooping batter into cupcake cups, baking them, cooling them, then frosting, and I even used a pastry bag to speed up the frosting. My wee oven can only handle about 12 cupcakes at a time.

But I think Mr. Schiller is wrong — people who bake mixes are NOT “scratch bakers” any more than people who can heat up a frozen skillet meal are home cooks. It’s a different game altogether.

1 Ener-G egg (1.5 tsp powder to 2 tbsp water)
1/2 cup canola oil
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1 1/4 cups uncooked oats (not the quick kind)
1 cup finely grated yellow squash (skin on)

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix Ener-G egg separately then beat in oil and sugars. I used a rubber spatula rather than an electric mixer.

Combine flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and ginger. Mix this into the wet stuff. At this point it will likely not even remotely resemble any kind of dough but do not be discouraged.

Add the oats and yellow squash and try to mix it if you want but I used my hands.

Drop it by tablespoons onto a baking sheet lined with nonstick foil or parchment paper. Bake for 12 minutes (check for done at 10). When you pull them out, they should seem still a little bit soft but be a nice golden brown.

Results are chewy and light. The flavor is subtle, they aren’t overly sweet, and two people in my office who typically dislike oatmeal cookies say that these are good. And as usual, no one suspects they’re vegan.

You could totally add raisins if you wanted, just set them to soak in rum or flavored liqueur of your choice while you make the dough. Add them in last and mix gently.

The total number of calories the way I made it was 2,301 and the recipe turned out 27 cookies, so each one had 85 calories. With the squash, oatmeal, and whole wheat flour, there are a ton of vitamins and minerals and also a lot of fiber, though of course you’d never guess it eating them.

Men my age tended to be freshly divorced, pudgy, cap-wearing, and goateed.

Then today my best ladyfriend Emily wrote about a similarly beloved cookie recipe and, since she is a bigtime international politics dork, took it in a make-cookies-not-war direction:

These cookies will win hearts and minds. You could subdue the nastiest of people, prevent unrest, and end wars with these cookies.

Kelly’s cookie of choice is Nigella Lawson’s spin on death by chocolate. Emily’s is a chocolate-coffee variety from Gourmet. Both, apparently, bring people together. The moral is that you should go forth, make cookies, live long, and prosper.

• Diana asked how my vegan whoopie pies turned out. Answer: Awesome. I filled half with peanut butter frosting and half with pink raspberry cream cheese frosting.

• And speaking of clocks, this one is real cool.

• Chicago News Bench published a really interesting perspective on the Nigerian Kitchen disaster I posted yesterday, because its author actually ran into and talked to a guy who seems to own the place.

• Hilarious incongruous item for the day: A restaurant called Yia Yia’s Euro Bistro located in . . . Wichita, Kansas. Their website’s front page has this startling revelation: “Across the ocean, there is a continent called Europe.” Close thine treacherous mouth, round-earther!