OF A GOLDEN AGE

To say I even “veganized” this recipe from BabyZone is a joke because all that meant was swapping one egg for an Ener-G egg. I also used yellow squash instead of zucchini, and left the skin on because why not?

1 Ener-G egg (1.5 tsp powder to 2 tbsp water)
1/2 cup canola oil
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1 1/4 cups uncooked oats (not the quick kind)
1 cup finely grated yellow squash (skin on)

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix Ener-G egg separately then beat in oil and sugars. I used a rubber spatula rather than an electric mixer.

Combine flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and ginger. Mix this into the wet stuff. At this point it will likely not even remotely resemble any kind of dough but do not be discouraged.

Add the oats and yellow squash and try to mix it if you want but I used my hands.

Drop it by tablespoons onto a baking sheet lined with nonstick foil or parchment paper. Bake for 12 minutes (check for done at 10). When you pull them out, they should seem still a little bit soft but be a nice golden brown.

Results are chewy and light. The flavor is subtle, they aren’t overly sweet, and two people in my office who typically dislike oatmeal cookies say that these are good. And as usual, no one suspects they’re vegan.

You could totally add raisins if you wanted, just set them to soak in rum or flavored liqueur of your choice while you make the dough. Add them in last and mix gently.

The total number of calories the way I made it was 2,301 and the recipe turned out 27 cookies, so each one had 85 calories. With the squash, oatmeal, and whole wheat flour, there are a ton of vitamins and minerals and also a lot of fiber, though of course you’d never guess it eating them.

Have you been wondering, achingly curious even, about the inside of my refrigerator? I know, the world is a mysterious place.

Well, glimpse corners of the inside of my lovely 3/4ths-size fridge while you check out my contribution to Administrative Professionals Day, April 22. In the interest of inclusivity, everyone else is also recognized — that’s right, I’m contributing to the further watering down of already-stupid invented holidays. Let them eat cake.

“Administrative” runs right off the edge like a stupid jerk.

Cakes are strawberry inside (creme de cassis, strawberry extract, and seedless strawberry jam) with strawberry cream cheese frosting between layers and on the outside. All vegan. I used Kittee’s strawberry cake and cream cheese frosting recipes. Next time I’ll try the banana cake, but this time the soy yogurt I bought decided to explode in the car. Thanks a lot.

Buying a dusty bottle of creme de cassis from my local shadester liquor store was fun though. Umm, anyone for pousse-café? No dairy please. I have some oat milk though, or some Gatorade? …If you’re gonna spew, spew in this.

• Last night I made vegan cupcakes while Andy talked to me about cooking goat. It was a delightful contrast. I have put a cap on goat-cooking-related conversation though, so now he can’t really talk about it again for at least a few weeks.

• Contrary to popular belief, spring is not here. Sunday, it snowed; yesterday, it dropped below 30; today, the wind peeled the surface off of a billboard near my office. However, I spent a while browsing a friend’s immense collection of vegetable seeds and it made me feel good. Eventually things will grow out of the ground again. I swear.

• Seth Godin encourages proactivity this week by some unconventional entrepreneurship, which folds in nicely with Trendwatching’s April bulletin on so-called “sellsumers.” Recently, Godin is doing a fine job of offering multitudes of ideas not only to sometimes make money, but to keep busy and stay mentally buoyant. For instance:

“Most companies would welcome a post-tax-day accountant who offered (on spec) to review bills or expenses in exchange for half the money saved. If they had time, they’d do it themselves, but of course they don’t.”

• Um, did you know that Georgia Tech’s mascot is a great old Ford coupe and its fight song was partly written by avant garde composer Charles Ives? Me either.

• Dustin Rowles’ update on Iron Man 2 at Pajiba includes a hilarious little diatribe at Terrence Howard for turning down his role from the first movie:

You get to be Colonel James fucking Rhodes in not only Iron Man, but in The Avengers and whatever else Marvel spins off. You do that for a few movies, and you are set. For life. That’s like getting a clerkship on the Supreme Court. Sure, the money is lousy and the hours are long, but you can do anything you want afterwards.

• Many prominent law firms have pushed back the start dates of their fresh hires up to a year or more in response to the recession, but some are getting creative by loaning their newbies to legal aid organizations during that time at lower salaries.

• I did a lot of work on my stylesheet this weekend. Click through and look at the site, it’s a lot cleaner and brighter.

A few weeks ago my friend and former high-shool teacher Kelly wrote an intense, wonderful account of her favorite cookie recipe and its influence on her relationship with her future husband. Here is my favorite part:

Men my age tended to be freshly divorced, pudgy, cap-wearing, and goateed.

Then today my best ladyfriend Emily wrote about a similarly beloved cookie recipe and, since she is a bigtime international politics dork, took it in a make-cookies-not-war direction:

These cookies will win hearts and minds. You could subdue the nastiest of people, prevent unrest, and end wars with these cookies.

Kelly’s cookie of choice is Nigella Lawson’s spin on death by chocolate. Emily’s is a chocolate-coffee variety from Gourmet. Both, apparently, bring people together. The moral is that you should go forth, make cookies, live long, and prosper.

I finally found my cookie sheet: it was in the freezer.

Economic pinch and all, I got tired of eating inappropriate things for breakfast¹ or spending money on sort of ridiculous things². Straight cooked oatmeal kind of grosses me out no matter what I decorate it with, and it never seems filling even though, I know, it’s supposed to be one of the most filling foods there is. Mostly I go straight from hungry to inflated-feeling and right back to hungry again, no thanks.

Inspired by Cake Maker to the Stars‘ Kittee and her cookzine Papa Tofu (Seriously, a great investment), I took her basic vanilla cake recipe, halved it, and fiddled with it a bit in order to make some straightforward cupcakes with mild nutritional value.

They don’t need any frosting, though I wouldn’t discourage you. I didn’t use any, and they have a complex, satisfying flavor and texture. Using ginger paste instead of ground ginger would do something totally different that might be equally good, though you’d want to balance it with a little more flour and sugar.

¹ Leftover pizza, saltines
² $5 for a box of cereal, $2 plus tip for a bagel with hummus

• I can’t tell a lie, I got a little misty during Conan O’Brien’s final New York show.

• Diana asked how my vegan whoopie pies turned out. Answer: Awesome. I filled half with peanut butter frosting and half with pink raspberry cream cheese frosting.

• And speaking of clocks, this one is real cool.

• Chicago News Bench published a really interesting perspective on the Nigerian Kitchen disaster I posted yesterday, because its author actually ran into and talked to a guy who seems to own the place.

• Hilarious incongruous item for the day: A restaurant called Yia Yia’s Euro Bistro located in . . . Wichita, Kansas. Their website’s front page has this startling revelation: “Across the ocean, there is a continent called Europe.” Close thine treacherous mouth, round-earther!

• After last week’s successful cupcakes, this week I’m making chocolate whoopie pies with cream cheese filling. The first round is in the oven now, results TBA.

• Relatedly, Online Alarm Clock is a great egg timer for those who have none (me).

• Since Nathan’s new roommate has a microwave, Nathan agreed to let me borrow his microwave on a long-term loan, which means — yes, it’s true — I’ve finally caught up with the 1970s.

• After downloading the files a number of months ago, I finally upgraded my copy of Wordpress, and the new interface is super foxy. Highly recommended.

What to do when you have homegrown pears and wild raspberries, a pantry full of bizarre disparate things, and tentative plans with someone who ends up staying in?

I started with eight ounces of apple sauce, in this case four ounces of peach and four ounces of blueberry, since they were the two single-serving Motts No Sugar Added I had on hand. I threw in a scoop of vanilla protein powder*, a cup of uncooked oatmeal, and a splash of water to sate the oatmeal whilst baking. Then I threw in two eggs, about 3/4ths cup flour, a splash of extra virgin olive oil** and a cup or so of sugar. After several shakes of ground nutmeg and cinnamon I made myself stop adding things. Couldn’t taste it since it had raw eggs already in the mix, but in hindsight I’d add more sugar next time.

In the meantime, I skinned and cored two BIG d’Anjou pears, sliced them thinly, then cut the slices into roughly quarter-sized, quarter-inch-thick pieces. These went into the batter as well. I poured the batter into a Pam’d, round cake pan. (Since there’s no baking soda or powder, there’s also no rising, so I filled it up nearly to the rim.) On top, I sprinkled about another third cup of oatmeal and a few handfuls of finely-diced walnuts, then some of my raspberries mashed with sugar.

It went into the oven for an hour at 325°. I looked lovingly at it a few times and jabbed it with a fork a few more until it was done.

The result is kind of custardy, and kind of cakey, and looks like a pie. It’s, well, very healthy and surprisingly delicious, though it’d be better with some vanilla ice cream or frozen yogurt, or maybe with a drizzle of honey. Or both? That might be a little much.

And the great thing about using an egg base instead of trying to wing a cake is that the ratios don’t need to be nearly as precise. There’s no worry of substituting for milk or butter. Of course, an inobtrusive, saturated-fattier oil like canola or vegetable may have worked better, but the result of my recipe here turned out very light-tasting and an ideal vehicle for this beautiful fresh fruit I was pleased to take off my coworker’s hands.

* Rationale: I didn’t have a milk analog OR any vanilla
** Rationale: Without this, the recipe had very little fat, and I figured a little more would help keep it undry

My office runs a list of upcoming Fridays and someone signs up to bring treats for each one. In honor of my final Friday (my new job starts Tuesday) I baked cupcakes, starting with an unadorned Pillsbury white cake mix and chocolate cake mix.*

Here are some things I added or tried. All of these would work well independently in either white or chocolate cake mix. Combine them recklessly and with courage. Come on, you can do it.

• A cup of plain cooked oatmeal
• A cup of oatmeal cooked in sweetened black coffee
• Blend in two almost-brown bananas cut into pieces
• Dried cranberries
• One large carrot greated very fine
• Natural peanut butter
• Peanut butter or chocolate chips
• Finely chopped walnuts

As an example, in one batch of white cake I blended in cranberries, oatmeal, banana, carrots, walnuts, and chocolate chips. These came out amazing and I finished them with cream cheese frosting from a can. A veritable succes fou, the best part being, of course, how the mixing process took three minutes total.

* As my favorite pop band, Tullycraft, once asked jokingly: “Does the world really need another orange cake mix song? I don’t think so.” I’ve never seen an orange cake mix, unfortunately. But here are some dancing cupcakes.