OF A GOLDEN AGE

Will at A Suitable Wardrobe wrote a wonderful little set of instructions for straight men to make their wardrobes friendlier to female borrowers:

I thought it might be useful for us to consider a couple of items that we should have in our closets to make our wardrobes attractive to the fairer sex. Note that it is not necessary that a man wear these things; indeed, they may exist principally to make time spent with him more attractive to the woman in his life. But that is justification in its own right.

Yes! He even includes the repeated washings necessary to soften up an oxford shirt.

For all the character’s bold missteps, one of the best fashion moments in Sarah Jessica Parker’s tenure as Carrie Bradshaw is so basic: A long, oversize dark sweater, paired with a low-maintenance hairstyle and little makeup. She walks around her apartment, moping after a fight with her severe Russian boyfriend, and actually looks comfortable in her clothes for once.

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In a 2001 interview with Victoria magazine, Harvard sociologist Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot had this to say about respect:

“When you accept the possibility that everyone you meet is bearing gifts, you are coming from a respectful place.”

This is one of the simplest, most lovely statements I’ve ever read. It will stick with me because of its simplicity, and hopefully will not be crowded out by the latest pop song I hear in a commercial. (Get out of my head, Miley Cyrus!)

Dr. L.-L. is not unrealistic about respect. She notes that “every generation laments the loss of respect” because “That ideal time never existed.” At the same time, her comments from almost 10 years ago on people’s attention spans highlight a sort of internet diversionism we’ve accepted too willingly as a society:

“Respectful listening is the opposite of prototypical cocktail party behavior. You’re not saying ‘How are you?’ and looking over your shoulder to see if someone more important is there. It’s genuine attention — and not necessarily silent attention — that makes the person you’re talking to feel seen and heard and listened to. [ . . . ] It comes to children so naturally, but somehow we rob ourselves of it, caught up in ‘Don’t ask, don’t touch, don’t inquire.’ I think the genuine impulse of kids to say ‘And then what happened?’ is a very respectful way of responding to people around you.”

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