OF A GOLDEN AGE

As most internetizens do, I occasionally Google myself and my domain and see what’s up.

Aetataureate shows up on some spammy-looking website that compiles a list of “Websites with ‘tata’ in the name.”

Sorry folks, no tatas here. Move along.

Oh, Social Q’s!

My office is next door to the county jail, so I walk by it several times a day. What is the polite thing to do when passing two sheriff’s deputies and a guy in handcuffs chained to leg irons? Smile? Ignore them? Look away? Jane Gressang, Iowa City

When I sang for the inmates at Folsom Prison — no, hang on, that was Johnny Cash, wasn’t it?

If you don’t already read Social Q’s I recommend it in general, as it makes me laugh almost every time.

This question made me “hmm” though, because it took me way back to my carefree childhood and adolescence in Oregon, Illinois, where our equally sprawling, lovely, and decrepit old home was one block from the Ogle County Courthouse.

There, the inmates who displayed good behavior were allowed to do government chores like mowing the lawns, and as the County bought property closer and closer to our house, the government lawns did too.

I don’t know, this might be different because most of the guys held in the county clink were small potatoes, waiting out short DUI sentences or other relatively petty atonement. But I saw these guys in their jumpsuits very frequently, especially in the summertime, and never really gave it a second thought. If I’d seen someone I’d known among them, that may have been a different story.

To say I even “veganized” this recipe from BabyZone is a joke because all that meant was swapping one egg for an Ener-G egg. I also used yellow squash instead of zucchini, and left the skin on because why not?

1 Ener-G egg (1.5 tsp powder to 2 tbsp water)
1/2 cup canola oil
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1 1/4 cups uncooked oats (not the quick kind)
1 cup finely grated yellow squash (skin on)

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix Ener-G egg separately then beat in oil and sugars. I used a rubber spatula rather than an electric mixer.

Combine flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and ginger. Mix this into the wet stuff. At this point it will likely not even remotely resemble any kind of dough but do not be discouraged.

Add the oats and yellow squash and try to mix it if you want but I used my hands.

Drop it by tablespoons onto a baking sheet lined with nonstick foil or parchment paper. Bake for 12 minutes (check for done at 10). When you pull them out, they should seem still a little bit soft but be a nice golden brown.

Results are chewy and light. The flavor is subtle, they aren’t overly sweet, and two people in my office who typically dislike oatmeal cookies say that these are good. And as usual, no one suspects they’re vegan.

You could totally add raisins if you wanted, just set them to soak in rum or flavored liqueur of your choice while you make the dough. Add them in last and mix gently.

The total number of calories the way I made it was 2,301 and the recipe turned out 27 cookies, so each one had 85 calories. With the squash, oatmeal, and whole wheat flour, there are a ton of vitamins and minerals and also a lot of fiber, though of course you’d never guess it eating them.

There are mild spoilers in this review, but then again, can you spoil a movie where you learn right away that they break up? Read at your discretion.

I can’t claim that (500) Days of Summer will resonate with everyone because it will not, but its sincere, straightforward telling of an atypical movie story made me smile sadly throughout. I recognized both characters as roles I’ve ended up taking in my own relationships, but mostly loved that a female character who spoke her mind throughout, expressed her thoughts truthfully, and eventually found happiness was not vilified for her choices and opinions.

The New York Times called the movie “thin,” exemplified by main character Summer’s lack of dimension, but I think in this case A.O. Scott missed the point. The movie has some clichés — not counting obvious ones like a tongue-in-cheek dance number or “Why isn’t he calling?”/”Why isn’t she calling?” splitscreen of forlorn insomnia — that I believe are intentional. Summer does not have any obvious friends, and has had relationships with one college guy, one girl, and one foreigner; her counterpart Tom has two stalwart buddies, a precocious pottymouthed sister, a job he dislikes but succeeds at, and a true calling in the arts. Tom and Summer do terribly hip things together and Tom even awkwardly sums them up at one point (“But we held hands in Ikea!”), highlighting what a dreamworld he lives in during his nonrelationship with a perfect girl who loves the Smiths.

Really, if it didn’t play well on screen, this would all make me want to hurl. And it didn’t make me want to hurl at all. You see their world through Tom’s eyes, which are, let’s be honest, deluded. He has fallen for the most charming girl in the room (explained by a quick flashback) and reads everything about her to mean she thinks he’s special. But perhaps most interesting is the fragmented, postmodern way in which the movie is assembled, turning it into a hybrid whodunit romance. Remarks made early on are explained in later fragments, glimpses into Tom and Summer’s time together illustrated in more and more full color as the movie progresses. Tom’s sister asks him to back up and reexamine the relationship between him and Summer and, thanks to the already established structure, to do so feels natural. In fact, the entire movie felt as though I was remembering along with Tom from some point in the future.

Summer explains to Tom up front exactly what she does or doesn’t want, and by that point you know he already doesn’t care — he’s spent weeks building up courage to even speak to the loveliest girl at the office, let alone quibble with her relationship preferences once his foot is in the door. And this is what I took away from the movie, what spoke to me most poignantly: The gulf between their feelings was immense, while Tom ignored every sign of what was happening and Summer acted, for the most part, honestly. He so earnestly fell headlong into his perception of their relationship that he lost sight of the real girl next to him in it. While Tom and his sister play Wii Tennis (no, really), his sister says, “Just because she likes the same bizarro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soulmate.”

I recently went through a migraine of a breakup where the primary issue was a lack of connection — one person says something and is listened to but not heard, nodded at but not understood. At one point Tom goes on a blind date, and the very lovely, much suffering girl pulls him out of the bottle long enough to say, basically, “She told you what she wanted, you agreed to it, and it didn’t work out?” The point is clear.

Today’s random snipe comes via Maureen Dowd’s email interview with Nora Ephron:

Q: Do you consider any food a romantic deal-breaker?

A: I respect vegetarians, but I could never fall in love with one.

I couldn’t get through Julie and Julia, the memoir upon which Ephron’s new movie is based, because Julie Powell’s writing style is too convinced of its own cleverness. I’d also love to find anyone who got through Ephron’s recent adaptation of Bewitched. Maureen Dowd is some kind of helium bobblehead and her failure to ask any interesting questions doesn’t surprise anyone, but as with most email interviews I find this too mediated-feeling and composed.