It’s been a while. Let’s hit the high points here, people.

ADVENTURES IN RESIDENCE

I packed up my shit and moved to a new place. It is so adjacent to everything important that I can’t even tell you because it will make you hate your life and location. The other night, enormous Chicagoland storms wiped my power down to about 10% for over 24 hours, but luckily there wasn’t really much of anything in my fridge. All of my ice cubes melted, which I resented more than expected. Ice cubes are a time commitment!

ADVENTURES IN CUSTOMER SERVICE

The world is full of bitches who think they’re entitled. I’m sorry, ma’am, I did not return my equipment on time because I was busy with a family function. I’m sorry, ma’am, I did not return my equipment on time because I left the country and my life is more important than yours.

Also, being called “ma’am,” or better yet “misses” (?!), makes my day every time. Thanks, humanity.

ADVENTURES IN FAMILY DRAMA

Sometimes it’s the parents who have the growing pains, I guess. In sibling news, my brother Nick helped me move the last of my shit out of the old apartment and then we had dinner at a restaurant I love. Nick ordered a salad and made this special request, which for some reason is hilarious: “Can I have double shrimp?”

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