no gift like the present
by Caroline(har har har)
what i gave rich for his birthday:
• a card with two cats drinking from a toilet, which says on the inside, “in honor of your birthday we’re having a drink”
• copies of two of my favorite pieces of writing: “the body’s weight” by stephen dobyns and a passage from richard bachman’s rage
• a picture frame which is awesome and also black like his soul
• this stupid stupid book that he has given to me or left in my room stealthily like a zillion times and i swear next time i will light it on fire.
• a book called the lowbrow guide to history or something like that, which has sections like “king tut: king of bling?”
• a box of chocolate band-aids
• single-serving nutella complete with tiny plastic spreader
• an r2d2 pez dispenser
• a tiny can of DUFF BEER which is full of mints.