OF A GOLDEN AGE

“that would be like a super billion normal everything group!” — dan.

nathan: Well sure, she looks kinda like a girl.
nathan: I can understand how people might be tricked.
nathan: But I’ve seen enough b-movies to know how these things turn out.

how how how much do i love rainman?

susanna: “ray, what does your date look like?”
raymond: “she’s very sparkly. she looks like a holiday.”

my dad had a murder case wrap up today. he emailed me:

hey, i just saw mimi murphy announce another murder on tv. i’m hiding.

“you must mean the other don [smith], i am the dude.”

last night i dreamt i decided to live on the streets.

my parents were looking for me, and i finally went home briefly to assure them i was okay. they were eating pizza, and i asked if i could have some.

my mom said, “of course you can. but i wish i’d known you were coming home. i would have fed you some vegetables.”